


Three times Jyn wants to kiss Cassian(and one time Cassian kisses her)

by stydiakisses



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, Star Wars
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-13 00:27:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11748318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiakisses/pseuds/stydiakisses
Summary: Jyn had been through many hells, but nothing was as dangerous as the lips of a man like Cassian.





	Three times Jyn wants to kiss Cassian(and one time Cassian kisses her)

_Timeline(taken from 'Rogue One' novelisation by Alexander Freed):_

_1\. She spun and was startled to see Cassian standing close to her. On instinct, riding the joy of the moment, she grabbed his arm and squeezed. He gave her a wry, curious smile._  
_2\. Her faith carried him with her._  
_3\. Somehow she found herself closer to Cassian than before. Her breathing matched his, or his matched hers, deep and steady._

* * *

 

1.

Jyn would hate herself sometimes.

Saw made her like that. She couldn't ever fail. Saw taught her failure means disappointment and disappointment means she was finished. She was finished with the mission, she was finished with _him_. Jyn had learned to live in the way Saw taught her. In the way where there could be no failing and no disappointments. So, when she felt like she was failing, Jyn would hate herself.

She didn't want to fail this time. She didn't want to disappoint, she _needed_ to fight for what her father had lived. She hated her father. Or she didn't. She hated herself for not hating him…

If they couldn't get on Scarif, everything was for nothing. If she _failed_ this, she would hate herself. Jyn felt her breathing quicken just a little bit, before finding out they were able to enter the planet.

She felt a smile on her lips and allowed it to stay there. Everyone looked satisfied. She turned around to find the others and Cassian was there in her way, standing closer to her than he presumably ever stood and that she would ever allow. But it was accidental and Jyn knew it, Cassian knew it too and it meant nothing. It meant nothing.

Her gaze fell to his lips and Jyn almost wanted to touch them with her own.

She shouldn't have. He was the man who _almost_ killed her father, he was the man who betrayed her, he was the man whom she couldn't read, he was the man who, in this moment, was willing to risk his life for her, for something she believed in. He was… _Cassian_.

Old Jyn would have hated herself. But this Jyn, this new Jyn, this Jyn who found hope, this Jyn who found faith, this Jyn knew she didn't hate herself. She didn't hate herself, because he was Cassian and it meant nothing.

2.

Cassian wasn't dead. He wasn't dead. He wasn't dead and he had killed the man in white. He had killed Jyn’s nightmare. It was over. She could have hugged him right then and there, but there was no time and she couldn't waste another moment. She needed to transmit the file that would give the galaxy _hope_.

 _Hope_. Jyn never believed in it. Jyn didn't know how. Jyn wanted to, she tried, but there was never a light in Jyn’s life. There was never _something_ that could make her want hope enough. There was never anything that made hope look as possible as it was. And it was possible. In times like this, it was the most possible thing in Jyn’s life.

Somewhere deep down, she knew Cassian showed her that. Jyn’s life was a series of killings and a fight to survive in a war zone that was the galaxy. It was a life she didn't get a say in, a life she had to have. A life her parents left her with. She should have hated them, she should have. But she never could. She was angry, she was so angry. They left her, without a choice, without a love, without hope. And that was the only life Jyn had ever known.

Until Bodhi, and Chirrut, and Baze and… _Cassian_.

They weren't getting out alive. They were not going to survive, Jyn had felt it from the beginning, but she had _faith_ they would.

He clung onto her, his breathing unsteady and his arms weak and Jyn led them to the elevator, to get out of this damned building. Death Star was here and soon, everything would be lost, so would she and Cassian.

The lights in the elevator weren't stable, going on and off from time to time. But still, they brought out Cassian’s eyes, and his stare at her, and he was close to her and his breaths were steadier.

It didn't matter she would die. It didn't matter because she didn't fail. She did what her father wanted. It didn't matter she would lose her life for it. Her faith never left, now it was bigger than she could imagine. She didn't know why.

She stared at Cassian, the Cassian who killed her worst nightmare and the Cassian who _came_ _back_ _for_ _her_. She stared into his eyes and finally took a moment to appreciate the curiosity in them, the same curiosity she had seen the first time they met. Only now it was passionate and confusing and it was faithful.

She looked at his lips and wondered why he made her feel like _that_ and did not know the answer.

Somewhere deep down, Jyn wished they had more time.

3.

She was ready. She was always imagining how her death would happen. She was always expecting it. She would have never been afraid of it. Jyn wasn't afraid to die. Jyn had done what she needed to do and she was content. Her father, the one who left, the one who reached out to her again, and then died in her arms, would be proud. She knew he would be proud. _Jyn_ was proud.

She was proud of Bodhi, and she was proud of Chirrut and Baze and everyone who joined her because they _believed_ her, they believed even if she wasn't able to give them absolution. Even if she wasn’t able to promise them their lives. They still believed. And it was worth it, for Jyn, her life was worth it.

Cassian was next to her, their fingers intertwined and she glanced him and saw him looking at her already. He attempted a smile and she smiled back. She was with Cassian, and it meant everything.

Jyn could feel the heat nearing and before wrapping her arms around Cassian, she looked at him _one_ _last_ _time_. She needed to memorise his features, to carry him with her if there was anything after death, to always _remember_ him.

And for the first time, Jyn was afraid of death.

She didn't get to know who Cassian was, who he really was. She didn't get to understand him, learn his ways, see his heart. She didn't get to kiss him.

She would, she would do it now if she could. But the amount of respect she had for him was more important than doing something he might have not wanted. Jyn didn't know Cassian. She would never _know_ Cassian. And she could not kiss him, because perhaps, Cassian didn't want to kiss her back. And that was okay. That was perfect.

Jyn hugged him and he held her and she smiled because she would die happy. She would die knowing she succeeded and she would die in the arms of a man who showed her hope and who showed her faith. She would die with _Cassian_.

+1

Jyn was in a happy place. Sure, she never really thought she would join the Rebellion Alliance, but it was the right place for her to be. She stayed for the resistance, for fighting(and she was always good at that) and somewhere deep, Jyn knew she stayed for Cassian, of course.

Jyn was not good at feelings. All she had ever known was death missions, and fighting and survival. She had never felt a single thing other than anger, confusion, satisfaction and hatred. She was met with fondness for Bodhi Rook, though, and she was met with hopefulness and joy.

Bodhi was a man of kindness and Jyn would never not like him, even if she tried. It's been months since the pilot saved Cassian and her from Scarif and death. Being in a happy place was good. It suited her, she thought.

Before it happened, she went on a mission. It wasn't anything too tough to handle and she was sure she could accomplish her goal. She just needed information, nothing more, nothing less. She went with Bodhi and a few more agents, he was their pilot.

Jyn wouldn't have died. She knew she wouldn't have died. She got herself a few bruises on her face, but nothing too serious. She might have been in an almost death situation, but nothing too serious. The majority of the Alliance might have gone to get them, but nothing too serious. She was informed Cassian was responsible for that and Jyn thought he was dramatic, but a part of her liked it.

It was very serious, but Jyn wouldn't have died.

Her ship was the first one to arrive back and Jyn was very bruised up and tired, but as soon as she got out of that ship, she started shouting Cassian’s name to yell at him. It was a known fact she could take care of herself and Cassian thinking she needed all this help made her angry.

She saw him a little after she exited the ship and he was walking in her direction hastily, his expression screamed anger.

She was about to snap. “ _I_ had it under contro-”

Cassian kissed her.

Jyn was not good at feelings. She grew up learning how to kill, get rid of those who were given to her. She didn't know what affection looked like, she had never really taken interest in anyone nor she felt the need to. She was her own person and for Jyn, that was the only way she knew of. She wanted to push Cassian, scream at him and argue, because he made her angry and frustrated, because he dared to kiss her, without a warning and without a question, but she couldn't.

He was _Cassian_. His lips were as dangerous as every life and death situation Jyn had experienced, yet nothing could ever compare.

When they pulled away, Cassian whispered, breathlessly, “I can't lose you too.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hullo um. This is my first time writing Rebelcaptain. Feedback is welcome. Especially on characterisation, because I tried to write what would suit Jyn? Reviews are more than welcome. This was inspired by 'four times lydia kind of wants to kiss stiles(and one time she actually does)' i forgot the author i'm sorry. much love xx


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